Category: self care

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Commitment to Wellbeing…

What does wellbeing, mean and feel like to you?

Everyone of us will know wellbeing in a different way and each one of us will have activities, people, places and past times that allow us to create, to feel well!

Tell me, what is it you do to feel well? to feel really alive? to know that life is a gift and you feel grateful for all that is your life?

So many people I love and so many clients tell me that they don’t have time to do what makes them feel well, that to find 5/10 minutes in their day is stressful, reflect what stops you you from wanting to feel the best you can feel when able? other than you?

For me it is the very simple things that enhance my wellbeing, eating well, enough sleep, fresh air, making time to walk as often as possible in nature, time to write, journalling, quiet time, reading, long baths, family time and time with the people who enhance me. When I ensure that I am looking after me, then my life flows more easily, I bring my best self to work and I feel grateful for life even the challenges. It has been a long journey to get here, as life used to be fast, chaotic, full on and it felt like I was racing myself to get to a fantasy finish line, it meant the I felt overwhelmed, disconnected and life could feel relentless. It only takes a few tweaks to start the process and then once you begin to feel the difference, new choices and boundaries feel easier to make.

Take a moment and ask yourself;

How can I make time for me?

What will I do with this time?

How will I feel when I am doing these things for me?

What impact will my wellbeing have on this around me?

What does my wellbeing, look and feel like?

When you decide to make a commitment to your wellbeing, you are making a choice to feel ‘good, alive, healthy and vibrant’ and that you is able to live a more fulfilled, happy and loving life – why wouldn’t you want to create that?

YOUR WELLBEING IS YOUR CHOICE!

Trust ..

As a therapist, one of the most powerful teachings I have learnt is to trust the process, it can also be one of the most frustrating when life feels like it is hurtling out of control.

So what does this mean, to trust the process? Well for me, someone who learnt to try and contain and control the chaos of my life pre-therapy, it has many meanings and many teachings, the most powerful is just to TRUST;

To trust myself

To trust the decisions I make

To trust that I will make mistakes, upset people, have challenging days and that is ok

To trust that even when life feels overwhelming, stressful and too much, it is ok

To trust that change is the most consistent part of life

Take a moment;

Where can you learn to trust yourself more?

What would you be doing if you were trusting more? How would that impact you?

Where do you notice your overthinking, over control or procrastination?

Where can you see that fear drives you?

A lot of my life has been about controlling, controlling my emotions, my thoughts, my words, so in reality controlling who I am, in order that I feel I am enough to fit in, whatever that means. As I grow older and I would like to think wiser, I have come to realise, that when I trust who I am, then my tribe show up, then I spend time with the people who inspire me, who love me for me, who enhance me, life falls into place.

When I trust the events of my life they seem to become the most intricately weaved journey of experiences and lessons, I am able to grow with them, more effortlessly and with gentleness.

To trust has taught me to be kinder to myself and instead of pushing, to relax into and enjoy what is.

When we trust the process, we come to know that we have all we need within us, and that is the gift. We come to trust that each day has magic hidden within, if we just look a little deeper, we learn to trust that we are as exactly where we need to be, to heal, to grow and to become more of our authentic self.

To trust is to be in the here and now of our life and be immersed in the journey.

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Comparison or Compassion!

Todays world feel complex, witnessing my teenagers and my clients navigate their way through the daily challenges of social media, of comparison, competition and the conflicts of social media! It strikes me that although we are all able to be more connected to the world around us, we are all becoming less connected to our feelings our mental wellbeing, our kindness, compassion and our true selves.

How can we teach our kids that social media can be a healthy addition to life, if we are able to create a way to relate to it that adds to life, not steals from us. For me social media, the internet and all that entails allows me great knowledge at my fingertips, connections to loved ones on other continents, it supports me with my wellbeing, meditation, yoga classes and access to inspiring blogs and podcasts to educate and inform me in so many ways.

I have had to create a healthy time boundary so that I do not get lost in the virtual world.

I hear so many people comparing themselves to all that that see online, to people’s lives, to others staged pictures, moments, I feel the pain of the damage it creates, especially with teenagers, believing they are ‘not enough’ unless they have xyz, unless they have x amount followers, own the latest brand of whatever consumer brand is in, are as buff/thin/toned/brown/ whatever it maybe as the latest celebrity!! It is a crazy world when we are supporting our kids to become addicted to a very distorted reality, when we allowing them to escape into connecting into primarily, technology!

Can we really wonder why teenage mental health is in crisis, why more teenagers suffer with anxiety, depression, self harm along with many other illness’ than ever before…

Is it time to create more boundaries, boundaries that allow for compassion, collaboration, creativity, and allow for mental and emotional connection and in turn a level of contentment!

What can we do to create changes, how can we role model healthier connections;

  1. Create a time boundary for you and technology and then introduce into your home?
  2. Have rooms where no phones are allowed and talk, share, make time to CONNECT!
  3. Introduce healthy competition – teach to kids to be better than they were yesterday.
  4. Explain the distortions and insecurities that have people need to ‘show off, gloat’ online.
  5. Teach kids that there bodies are not currency for likes, they are to be respected!
  6. Play games, watch move together, remind yourself that FUN, involves other people!
  7. Start small and watch how it grows, 10 mins of connecting becomes 20/30/40…
  8. Know there will be good and challenging days
  9. Remind yourself that memories are made person to person, not through social media!

If we want to build healthy thriving kids, we have to build healthier calmer happier selves….

I invite you to connect to the most creative and compassionate you so you create more contentment, gratitude in your life!

Life is a gift…

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Each new day is a gift, even though some days it may not feel like it!

Witnessing life and the journey of loved ones illness’ allows us insights into the many facets of the passage of life. I have the luxury of working with all different types of people all who want to ‘feel’ more themselves as they journey through their days. One of the many issues that plagues us as human beings, is love, self-love, self-care, self-awareness… most of us can be really good almost professional at putting ourselves down, making ourselves small, not believing in ourselves, not following our dreams and creating a life that is less that we want to live. This quality of life then creates emotional issues as we are living from fear, from less than, from not enough and these habits ravage us and all that we aim for.

This level of self doubt, fear is akin to the bushfires we are reading about that are destroying Australia…..it destroys us and our dreams, it makes our life smaller and in may ways it traps us in our heads, in our worries, our worst cases, our fears.

As the world unites to support the Australian communities to manage and recover from the fires, is it not time to unite in love, self-love to heal the wounds of being self-critical, of lack of self-worth and of self -doubt?

How would your life be different if you loved yourself more?

What would you be doing if love ruled you each day?

What would you love to add to your life to feel more love?

Where would love change your life?

What do you love to do that you haven’t done for a while?

How do you show love to you?

How do others know you love them?

When, where and with who do you feel loved?

Love is a powerful feeling;

one that unites and heals

one that is compassionate

one that is collaborative and connects ~ where can you share, show & be more LOVE?

When we live from LOVE, life is a gift!

NEW?

There can feel like a lot of pressure to be new, to update ourselves, our expectations, our life, health, habits and all that entails! It is good to be a able to take time to reflect on ourselves, our habits, our behaviours and to be able to choose to grow, heal, make different choices but we don’t have to set ourselves up to do them all at once. A new year, a new decade does not mean a new version of us… it can mean that we choose everyday to be more aware of what no longer serves us to grow and create new ways to thrive!

As I welcome in this new decade I want to be embrace the idea of ‘imperfectly or good enough’ …so being more aware of my choices, my behaviour, more conscious of what I do, how I spend my time, what I eat, say and watch, instead of setting rigid resolutions that feel constrictive and then harmful, I want to be more conscious of self awareness, of my journey through life!

We can use NEW to support us in creating a newer view of our lives, a kinder view of ourselves. Creating a relationship with ourself that is healthier, more compassionate and less critical or dismissive, this is turn will allow us to enter into all of our relationships with a newer insight into being present. When I reflect on my last year, the most poignant moments are with people, the most powerful memories are about connection, so if I am able to learn to connect into myself with more loving awareness then I hope to bring that into all my relationships…..

Small conscious changes make a difference!

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Celebrate you & your life!

The journey of life can be so confusing, one minute life is flowing and all is well, we are happy and enjoying the moment, and in a very instant it can all change whether it is a huge trauma, diagnosis, loss, argument, or someone is hurtful, how we feel changes in that instant!

I don’t know about you, but I am not sure I was ever taught how to celebrate life, birthday’s and special occasions, yes, life not really, it was just something you got on with, perhaps even got through! Through my work I have met people who have learnt to survive life, to keep themselves alive, whether through family trauma, abuse, neglect or a life changing mental illness, to sit with, listen to and learn from my clients, is a gift ~ we all have a right, a need to celebrate life, to recognise our journey to be our own cheerleaders…..

If its a mental illness, just getting out of bed can be a massive accomplishment, if you are a workaholic, taking time for you and saying NO to work can be a huge achievement, if procrastination is what you do, actually getting that ‘thing’ done is a big step!

Take a moment and just recognise;

  1. what is something you can celebrate today?
  2. what would you like to celebrate this new month?
  3. what would celebrating you & your journey look like?
  4. how would it feel to stop and appreciate YOU?
  5. if someone where to read your life story to date, what would they say to you to celebrate?

To take time to stop and reflect, to recall the tough times and how you got through them, what you learned from them, is to recognise your life. Life happens and we can just keep going, not ever really recognising the depths of our experiences, the coping mechanisms we have learned to survive, the adaptations we have made to keep on going, the adjustments that have happened that we are or might still be living within.

Stop and notice;

  1. Am I choosing what supports the life I want?
  2. Are the choices I am making allowing me to grow & or celebrate?
  3. Am I stuck within old /adaptive ways that aren’t allowing for me to ‘become?’
  4. What is my next step towards my dream, to celebrate?
  5. What was my last step that took me closer to the real me, dream?

We never know what tomorrow may bring, so to truly celebrate life, recognise today, all that you are, all that you have created, allow yourself a moment or two to really honour, appreciate and celebrate YOU!

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Life is happening here, now, not there!

Destination addiction, is the idea that happiness is, calm is, life is in the future ~ when I am on holiday I will relax, when I earn £$£ life will be easier, when I have more time I will relax, when the summer is here life will be better, when the kids are older….. you can see that the theme is, when you reach a destination, life will feel different! The problem with this way of thinking is you are chasing the feeling you want, not creating it, you are distorting the here and now by believing and investing more in the future.

How do we create happiness, calm, ease or whatever the feeling we want is, in the now?

Let’s take time to reflect;

  1. what is it you want in your life?
  2. what do you believe will create that for you?
  3. what is the first step to invite this feeling in?
  4. how can you add this to your day, week and/or month?
  5. do you need to tell people to ensure you do it?
  6. how will you know when you have created it?
  7. how will this enhance you and your life?

For me it has always been to create calm, however I took on more clients and continued to support my family doing more of what they wanted!!! In order to change, I started to limit my clients, start my working day later, add yoga to the mix, walk by the sea more and commit to my ‘wellbeing’ ~ I have created a calmer life and it feels healthier and it is now a lifestyle and daily choice!

When we are chasing a feeling we are not present in our lives, sometimes life can feel too overwhelming, being present can be sad, hard and mentally/emotionally difficult, in these moments getting lost in fantasises is a great escape however putting your life in the future creates more of what you have…so practise being more HERE… practise staying where you are and witnessing your thoughts and then you can start the process of changing them to support you!

Notice, what you are saying to yourself with regards to the future, come back to this moment and ask yourself;

a) how am I thinking? is it helping me to be present, here and now?

b) how am I feeling? am I ok? it is ok not to be ok? if I accept how I feel how will that be?

c) how is my body? physically how am I? what do I need to feel ok?

When we are present we connect into this moment and that allows us to be aware, to create new habits, to act upon our feelings, our life and choose to make changes.

When we are living for the future, we are fast forwarding through life and missing it, imagine trying to watch a film but having it on fast forward to get to the end you miss the content, imagine reading the last chapter of a book, watching the the last 10 minutes of the game, race or match?

When you are living for the destination you are skipping the actions of the results you want and missing the here and now!

When we trust the process, we recognise that in order to create something there are stages to it, and if we are present with the stages, the journey is the gift, not the arrival. Reading a book isn’t just to get to the end, but to enjoy the story, the same with a film, life is a journey and the process is to allow each step to be as important as where ever it is you are going.

Give yourself permission to be present in the gift of your life and notice how the presence and awareness allows you to FEEL different in your life.

When you recognise the steps of the journey, your path through life feels more, has a deeper, richer texture and you will feel more, more you, more life, more gratitude and more presence!

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Stay here…..

You don’t have to have it all worked out.

You don’t have to know what happens next.

You don’t have to run through life.

You don’t have to be ‘doing’ all the time.

You do want to be more present~ here & now!

You do want to ‘feel’ your life all of it.

You do want to create ‘calm’ in each day.

You do want consistency.

You do deserve happiness!

You do want to forgive & heal through the pain.

You do want to grow through life, loss & all that entails.

You do want to have your own back!

You do want to be a priority in your life.

You do want connection to those that matter.

You do want to care about you & your needs.

You do want to make time for you!

You do want to train your mind to be present…. to stay here!

You do want to ‘BE’ more than you do.

You deserve to be the most YOU, you can be!

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The maths of your life?

We are all on a journey, our life, this journey has different stages, requires different tools & has different paces to it!

It is for us to find balance daily, to recognise what it is we need to feel ‘well’ to create ‘calm’ to grow through the challenges, the adversity & to immerse in the pleasure!

Due to our moods, daily chores, work, family, finances & the to do list, we can make life a relentless collection of habits. It is therefore vital to take time, make time to stop, reflect, review~ to take away some elements of life & to add others!

To create a life that feels calmer to navigate, that allows us pleasure, ease, leisure, connection, purpose & wellbeing, it is important to invest time in reflection, reorganising, decluttering, rescheduling & planning!

I invite you to take a moment;

1) where does life feel too much?

2) how, what could you take away from the too much?

3) what do you feel you do not get enough of in your life?

4) how could you create more?

5) where is there balance? how have you achieved this?

6) if you were to look back at this chapter in your life, what would you have wanted to do differently? how can you start that now?

7) what is the feeling you want more of in your life~ where? what? who? when do you feel that?

The quality of our life is down to our choices, the decisions we make or don’t make lead us down a certain path~ so keep checking in with yourself, your feelings, your goals & your dreams, check that you are aligning what you are doing with what you want to feel, be and achieve!

Our choices define the quality of how we relate to ourself & the texture, feelings in & of our life…

*The choice to heal past emotional wounds.

*The choice to let go of what no longer serves you.

*The choice to make yourself a priority

*The choice to add more of what makes you feel more you

*The choice to take away the pressure, stress & chaos where you can

*The choice to make the choices

*The choice to be courageous enough to decide to make the steps to act upon the choices you decide….

Do the maths of your life & decide upon the choices that will allow you the quality of life that creates the best YOU!

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Your purpose?

To have a purpose is to feel passion or drive, to know a reason, the reasons for your life!

To have a purpose is to feel the experience of your day, your relationships, your life!

To find your purpose is a gift in life, a luxury, it adds the depth, the textures, the colours, the tastes, the dimensions, the answer to why?

You are your purpose…. your life is purpose enough, let’s explore what that might look like!

If you take a moment & just allow yourself to appreciate where you are now in this moment of your life;

What is the lesson in the now?

What are you learning about you?

What are you feeling about this time of your life?

What is your purpose for this season of you?

Sometimes your purpose might be to make a difference to others, family, kids, colleagues & sometimes you are your own purpose~ to look within & find what we need to heal, to grow, to make changes!

Your purpose can be to allow the pain, confusion, overwhelm of life to help you create a more purpose driven life! To make new choices, create a healthier lifestyle, a happier self!

What is your why?

The why can be driven by fear & that’s not fulfilling~ the fear of not enough, the fear of change, the fear of loss, the fear of failure, the fear of comparison!

When your purpose is driven by, self care, respect, curiosity we can trust the process a little~ when it is driven by passion or love we can allow without questioning, like surfing a powerful wave!

Maybe today make time to explore your purpose, to allow space for the why’s the what if’s & invite more purpose into your life!

The culture of social media can create confusion in our purpose, we can lose ourselves in the comparison & then our purpose can become competition or justification of who we think we ‘should’ be~ please know that the pictures you see of someone’s perfect life, holiday, love, achievements & new home~ their purpose is to make that person feel better about themselves, there purpose is not for you to question your purpose!

Your purpose is YOU, how you feel, how you experience you, your life, your relationships & how you relate to your world!

You are your PURPOSE!