The Power and Pleasure of Duality

We are living in strange times, where we are in a state of duality ~ April was the first full month of safe@home or lockdown, and it has been different for everyone, even though we are all in the same storm we are all feeling it so very differently. Some people are enjoying the slower pace of life whilst being furloughed and are able to relax, do all that they have meant to have done, missing their loved ones, but finding a new rhythm that is healthier, whereas many others are fearful, stuck, lost, and swinging between the fear of illness, loss, instability, financial scarcity and loneliness. Many others are swinging between the safe@home and lockdown, both ok and also not ok. We are all experiencing new levels of emotions as we are ‘trapped’ within ourselves with less distractions.

One of the biggest awareness’ for me at present is we are alive but every day is measured by how many have died…. broadcast daily, to educate as to how we are managing the virus, but for so many people it spreads, fear, worst case thinking and deep sadness as the numbers rise daily. The duality is that this life is measured through death!

If we are well and healthy we are caught in a limbo of what feels like an unknown new normal, where we are all day by day learning more about how we operate under and within these new conditions.

The duality of this time~

if healthy we are alert to a cough, temperature or signs of illness
physically disconnected whilst more aware of the power and pleasure of connection
alive but so very aware of death
safe at home and lockdown
together with family and disconnected through technology
grateful for so much and yet yearning old ways of living
creating a new normal whilst more aware of old ways of being
evolving and being triggered
healing and feeling the fear
peaceful and in conflict
seeing the goodness and also the greed
feeling content and deep sadness
being ok and not ok

This chapter in our lives can allow us the learning curve to create and accept that duality is part of everyday life.

We can take the time to learn how to honour, hold and balance opposing feelings, views and understandings and learn to be ok with it.

I can be both deeply happy whilst a part of me feels sadness, I can love someone and feel irritated with them, I can feel driven towards a goal and procrastinate, I can feel calm and yet a part of me can feel unsettled, when we accept where we are, then and only then we can change!

We as humans are duality, mind and body, heart and soul, thoughts and feelings, and it is up to us to learn how to balance the differing aspects of ourselves. I believe the biggest lesson for me has been to appreciate thoughts and feelings and honour the power of these both individually and dynamically. I was taught growing up that feelings were a negative, that you were weak, pathetic or too much if you felt life, your emotions, so I learned intellect has more value, however as we know, when you numb out emotions, you disconnect from feelings, so life is achievements, goals and a never ending ‘to do list’ – this will never take you to calm or contentment. Through therapy, my work and curiosity I have the pleasure to honour and feel my feelings, all of them, from the unsettling, scared, sad along through to the happy, joy and ease, making the journey so very different.

To feel is to be present in life, to be connected to all that is happening within and around you.

To think is to allow your mind to create, it is vital to learn the skill of not overthinking or only thinking ~ the power and pleasure of duality.

Give yourself permission to accept yourself, your feelings and your thoughts just as they are and then notice how they change!

Featured

Your Power to Choose!

We are in uncertain times where everyday has more news, more worst cases, more uncertainties and understandably we can feel overwhelmed, anxious, fearful. It is at these times in our life that we can grow, we can change, we can allow ourselves to grow through what we go through.

We can CHOOSE how we navigate this time of unknowns, we can choose to change our mindset, to allow ourselves to become more open minded, to see our world and fellow human beings with love and kindness, we can dig deeper and discover new levels of compassion, awareness and understanding or we can do what we have always done.

Too many people I care about live from a place of fear and they then choose to continue to scare themselves by thinking and overthinking worst case, that too is a choice, unless it is a mental health issue and then it requires the right support to manage and heal.

So we have choices in each and every day….

You can decide to stay the same, you can remain as you are or NOT!

You can choose to look at this situation through the lens of love and then learn to navigate through these times from a place of awareness, kindness and more trust!

Each day you can decide what allows you calm and add more of this into your day, anything from meditation, reading a book, a long bath, a walk, or maybe some journalling!

When we choose to respond, we have taken time to allow our mind to appreciate, integrate and understand the situation and decided on a way to manage the experience, we have empowered ourself to find the best way through, the healthiest way!

A reaction is born out of fear, habit and conditioning, it can feel less supportive, life can feel relentless, we can feel stuck!

We have the power to make choices in these times of uncertainty, we have the power to decide to become more of our true self, to become more aware, to heal more, to be kinder, to be more loving, to be flexible and therefore use the changes to change.

WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, it is for us to discover what our options are and that comes from keeping an open mind and heart………

Acceptance!

How different would your life feel if you believed, truly believed that you are enough just as you are?

We are constantly bombarded by media, to want more, to be more, to have more, to be different, slimmer, more toned, more, more more…….all this actually creates is a mindset of NOT ENOUGH!! This mindset is great for the companies that want us to buy their products, as we then believe if I have, buy, do, eat, take, use that product, I will become the person who feels happier with myself ~ as a therapist, woman, mother and human being, I have to come to know that no ONE thing that I purchase brings me contentment and happiness.

What does allow us more presence, happiness and moments of contentment, acceptance ~ acceptance of this moment just as it is, acceptance of who we are, where we are and doing, being exactly as we are.

We have the power to change and make new choices, but unless we accept where we are, we are always chasing the next moment believing it to be the moment that is to be happy!

Learning how to accept is to be present, to acknowledge all that is happening and work with it, to grow through, feel through, be through all that is, even if it is not how you want it or imagine it to be. You always have choices, some days are great, some good, some challenging and some are just days, but they are your days to live, to love and to accept. With acceptance we allow life to feel very different, we are not trying to escape the moment but be with it.

Take a moment and ask yourself;

How can I accept today for all that it is?

What will support me to be more present?

Then notice how your day feels!

Acceptance is a game changer………..

Each new day…

Featured

Every day we can either choose to live in the habits of being ourselves, unconsciously or we can learn how to create the mindset that allows us to live consciously, aware of all that we are and all that we have to be heartfelt grateful for.

Life can be so habitual that we are actually on autopilot, cruise control, we can get so used to being us, that we forget to stop and take stock of how we are who we are, the gift in each day, the luxury that can be found in everyday!

I have witnessed someone I love knowing that each day is not a given, that waking up each day is a luxury, that in itself allows you to really go back to the basics, to find the gift in the present moment. I also have the honour of working with people who find that life can be so overwhelming that the present moment can feel like torture, that their mind can make life feel too much and life can be too hard.

When we, our mind, is able to process life, be present in this moment then we can start the habit of ‘gratitude….recognising what we are able to feel grateful for!’

Take a moment and just ask yourself..

what do I feel grateful for today, now?
who enhances my life?
how can I start to practise gratitude?
what can I do today to honour my life?
what does this moment feel like?
how can I stop more and be aware of all that I have created?

Children are great at teaching us how to feel wonder, how to be in the moment, watch a child puddle jump and find the pleasure in splashing around, or throwing leaves in the air, they stop and really look around, they make life fun.

Allow yourself the pleasure of ‘wonder’ today of looking at the life around you with eyes of gratitude!

We can get so lost in our lives, in our not enough’s, in our unhappiness, in our discontent, that we forget to recognise what we do have, what we are, where life is good, where we are thriving, where we have created pleasure and ease.

As we wander through our lives, our days, our thoughts, we can support ourselves by creating a mindset that allows us to celebrate each day, to recognise the moments that are the gifts, to really make the choices that bring us the present of presence.

We are taught our mindsets unconsciously by our parents, by the world around us, so if you want to find the good in your world, you have to do the work, to create the mind that goes looking for the gift in life. It is no different to wanting to creating a healthy body by eating well and training, you invest time in you…. To find the magic in each day, you have to work on how you think, on what you think, you have to practise the thoughts that support you and acknowledge the ones that do not and let go of them.

I invite you to witness your thoughts…

notice how you think, positive, negative, critical, judgmental?
do you make it hard for yourself by what you think?
what are your first thoughts in the morning and do they set you up for gratitude?
where do your thoughts support you?
where did you learn how to think like this?
what thoughts could you change to make an impact on your day?
starting to day what one thought would enhance you?

YOU decide, YOU practise, YOU create YOUR life!

Featured

Thinking, overthinking & thoughts

Our thoughts determine the quality of our mental health, our physical wellbeing and our emotional life.

Our thoughts therefore play a different but as important role as our heart, the engine of our physical health and our mind the engine of our mental life.

How do you think, best case or worst case thinker? fantasises or catastrophes?

We have all been taught unconsciously how to think, we have learned from our parents, who learned from their parents, school plays a role, peers plays a role and then as we grow we get to choose our opinions based on our beliefs and thinking. The life we live is determined by the thoughts we think, so if we expect life to be challenging and hard, it will be, as we believe it to be that way and will even question the good events that occur. If we believe that life is a gift and we are grateful, good will happen and we can create our dreams, then we will and all of this is created from our mind.

Take a moment and ask yourself;

how do I feel about today?
what do I believe I can create in my life?
does my thinking support me?
do I get lost in worst case, catastrophic thinking?
how often do I get lost in daydreaming or fantasy thinking?
do I trust my thoughts to support me?
have I ever questioned how I think?

Your mindset, the way you look at life, the way you think is therefore programmed in as you grow and at this point you are not aware of the programming. However you are now aware which is why you are reading blogs like this, you want change, you want to make changes and they start with your thoughts. They start with practising a growth mindset, to allow yourself to be open to view the world differently, to notice yourself, your reactions, your thoughts and then to question if they work for you or not.

Take a moment;

what is the first thought you would like to change? what would you change it to?
what are a few other thoughts that if you challenged would change you?
explore where in your life it feel most difficult, stuck, challenging?

Rehearse some new thoughts, if that feels too much, look up people that you admire and research how they view the world, how they think about different aspects of life, whether it is a sports hero, business leader, spiritual advisor, writer, artist, scientist, astronaut, fashion designer, whoever inspires you, read about their journey and a few of their interviews!

Your thoughts are the hard drive to your life, in order to create a better life, it requires investing time and reflection as to how you are you and then noticing where that works and where that holds you back.

The happiness, the ease, the calm, the gratitude, the contentment, the success, the health, the comfort, the quality of your life all depends upon YOUR THOUGHTS and the way YOU THINK!!

How far?

How far have you come?

Take moment and reflect, where were you a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago?

What are you doing, have you created, are you being that you have wished for before?

Where did this part of your journey start? What was happening for you?

Have you taken time to allow yourself to recognise where you are today?

Life can get so busy just managing the day to day or planning the future, where we want to be, that we very rarely stop and celebrate how far we have come, how much we have grown, healed, changed and the transitioning within.

Life is a journey and one that has an ending, so how would it feel if we really got to ‘feel’ the ok, the good and the great and the everything in-between. Each step on our path plays a role in who we are becoming and what we have created and are creating.

Take 5 minutes and do a timeline of how you got to today, and then just allow yourself to recognise the beauty of each chapter in your journey.

When we make space to recognise the steps, gratitude and appreciation can guide our journey. Through the more difficult times we find an inner strength and belief as we allow ourselves to see we have grown through hard times and challenges before!

Many people acknowledge how far their favourite team have come from last season, how much their child has grown, how much money is in, or not, their bank account but how many people stop and celebrate the ‘art of becoming’ the journey to today!

Just for today take time to really honour you and your journey ….