Tag: growthmindset

Transitions

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How will you transition into this chapter in your life?

What will you choose to do differently?

How will you ensure that some of the realisations you had in lockdown can be implemented in everyday life?

Here we are, life is slowly beginning to reopen in many different ways, we have choices as to how we reinstate our daily lives, we have new awareness’ as to what is important to us, we have new insights as to the value of time, people, health and choices.

Life has been in a state of limbo, if you have continued working it has been in such a different way, and if you were unable to work, then you have had time and space to reflect upon your life, your choices and what you would like to do after lockdown.

It is that time, AFTER, coming out of, changing, now we are in the transition and it is up to you to create the quality of life that works for you, the pace of life that supports you, to see the people that enhance you, to integrate some of what lock down allowed into life. We were living with the background ‘what if’s?’ what if someone I love dies? what if I get it? what if I lose my job? what if I can’t cope? what if ….. the fear of worst case ~ so NOW is the time to create the best case, to allow the pause we have all just experienced to support us to become a better version of ourself!

What have you learnt about you over the last few months?

What do you want to integrate from lockdown to now?

How can you integrate these ideas into your life?

What do you need to make these changes?

What feelings do these changes bring up for you? Can you hold space for yourself as you feel your way through?

Who allows you to talk this through? Who do you feel heard by?

What are you UNLEARNING?

What are you choosing to learn to implement these changes?

Allow yourself all that you need to grow through this time, it is a valuable process and one that will allow you to align more with what makes life feel more authentic to you. Our brains are pattern matching organs, so it will want to restart life where you left it off, however if the last few months teach us nothing then we haven’t allowed ourselves the gift of growth, the choice to change, the chance to CREATE our life to be more of what we want it to be.

If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you always got…

May this transition be one that supports you to become more you and create a life that allows you to THRIVE? YOU DECIDE?

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Your new normal?

Day 80 lockdown, safe@home whatever you choose to call this time, we are all aware that boundaries are being lifted slowly and life is beginning to pick up pace, for some it never slowed down due to jobs, but for many it has been life changing, so what can you carry with you moving forward!

Many people I have spoken to have reflected during this time on their life, on their priorities and how they had created a lifestyle that was full, busy and yet on so many levels empty, rushed and disconnected. Time at home, has had us connect, reconnect and immerse ourselves in the simple values, love, caring, reaching out to help others, taking time to really know how someone is, asking how are you?’ and really wanting to know.

March 23 2020 heralded a new way of living, it started in fear and the unknown, many areas of a previous lifestyle closed down to us. We were put into a form of survival mode, for some it was a relief, for others terrifying but for all of us massive changes were inflicted and we were to some degree powerless! We had choices, but they felt limited and many of us became overwhelmed, so choices felt too far out of reach to touch…

Boundaries are being lifted, we are able to do more, we have access to more, but before we rush back in to the old way of being, are there some questions that may support you evolving from this time;

  • What have you learnt about you, life, your way of being?
  • How have you felt during this time?
  • Are you more aware of your mental and emotional needs?
  • What has come up for you emotionally and mentally?
  • Have you enjoyed a slower pace of life?
  • Have you recognised how busy was a coping mechanism, a distraction for you?
  • What changes would you like to make?
  • How could you start to implement them?
  • What would you need to put these changes in place?
  • What would you like to ensure you don’t do moving forward?
  • How can you look after you differently?

Life is a journey and there is no destination we are travelling towards, on some level we are all winging it, aiming to create happiness, calm, content, healthy, safe, to thrive where we can. Every opportunity can allow us to grow, to step out of old survival modes, old coping mechanisms and put in place through conscious living a healthier way to love, to live and when we do this we can in turn make more of a difference to others, we can love more, we can care more, we can feel more and we can be more!

We all have a responsibility to RECALIBRATE to come out of this time a better human being, the earth has regenerated, the skies are clearer, the oceans cleaner, maybe we can grow to be more loving, kinder, more aware and more engaged in making our world a better place for EVERYONE!

The Power and Pleasure of Duality

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We are living in strange times, where we are in a state of duality ~ April was the first full month of safe@home or lockdown, and it has been different for everyone, even though we are all in the same storm we are all feeling it so very differently. Some people are enjoying the slower pace of life whilst being furloughed and are able to relax, do all that they have meant to have done, missing their loved ones, but finding a new rhythm that is healthier, whereas many others are fearful, stuck, lost, and swinging between the fear of illness, loss, instability, financial scarcity and loneliness. Many others are swinging between the safe@home and lockdown, both ok and also not ok. We are all experiencing new levels of emotions as we are ‘trapped’ within ourselves with less distractions.

One of the biggest awareness’ for me at present is we are alive but every day is measured by how many have died…. broadcast daily, to educate as to how we are managing the virus, but for so many people it spreads, fear, worst case thinking and deep sadness as the numbers rise daily. The duality is that this life is measured through death!

If we are well and healthy we are caught in a limbo of what feels like an unknown new normal, where we are all day by day learning more about how we operate under and within these new conditions.

The duality of this time~

  • if healthy we are alert to a cough, temperature or signs of illness
  • physically disconnected whilst more aware of the power and pleasure of connection
  • alive but so very aware of death
  • safe at home and lockdown
  • together with family and disconnected through technology
  • grateful for so much and yet yearning old ways of living
  • creating a new normal whilst more aware of old ways of being
  • evolving and being triggered
  • healing and feeling the fear
  • peaceful and in conflict
  • seeing the goodness and also the greed
  • feeling content and deep sadness
  • being ok and not ok

This chapter in our lives can allow us the learning curve to create and accept that duality is part of everyday life.

We can take the time to learn how to honour, hold and balance opposing feelings, views and understandings and learn to be ok with it.

I can be both deeply happy whilst a part of me feels sadness, I can love someone and feel irritated with them, I can feel driven towards a goal and procrastinate, I can feel calm and yet a part of me can feel unsettled, when we accept where we are, then and only then we can change!

We as humans are duality, mind and body, heart and soul, thoughts and feelings, and it is up to us to learn how to balance the differing aspects of ourselves. I believe the biggest lesson for me has been to appreciate thoughts and feelings and honour the power of these both individually and dynamically. I was taught growing up that feelings were a negative, that you were weak, pathetic or too much if you felt life, your emotions, so I learned intellect has more value, however as we know, when you numb out emotions, you disconnect from feelings, so life is achievements, goals and a never ending ‘to do list’ – this will never take you to calm or contentment. Through therapy, my work and curiosity I have the pleasure to honour and feel my feelings, all of them, from the unsettling, scared, sad along through to the happy, joy and ease, making the journey so very different.

To feel is to be present in life, to be connected to all that is happening within and around you.

To think is to allow your mind to create, it is vital to learn the skill of not overthinking or only thinking ~ the power and pleasure of duality.

Give yourself permission to accept yourself, your feelings and your thoughts just as they are and then notice how they change!

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Your Power to Choose!

We are in uncertain times where everyday has more news, more worst cases, more uncertainties and understandably we can feel overwhelmed, anxious, fearful. It is at these times in our life that we can grow, we can change, we can allow ourselves to grow through what we go through.

We can CHOOSE how we navigate this time of unknowns, we can choose to change our mindset, to allow ourselves to become more open minded, to see our world and fellow human beings with love and kindness, we can dig deeper and discover new levels of compassion, awareness and understanding or we can do what we have always done.

Too many people I care about live from a place of fear and they then choose to continue to scare themselves by thinking and overthinking worst case, that too is a choice, unless it is a mental health issue and then it requires the right support to manage and heal.

So we have choices in each and every day….

You can decide to stay the same, you can remain as you are or NOT!

You can choose to look at this situation through the lens of love and then learn to navigate through these times from a place of awareness, kindness and more trust!

Each day you can decide what allows you calm and add more of this into your day, anything from meditation, reading a book, a long bath, a walk, or maybe some journalling!

When we choose to respond, we have taken time to allow our mind to appreciate, integrate and understand the situation and decided on a way to manage the experience, we have empowered ourself to find the best way through, the healthiest way!

A reaction is born out of fear, habit and conditioning, it can feel less supportive, life can feel relentless, we can feel stuck!

We have the power to make choices in these times of uncertainty, we have the power to decide to become more of our true self, to become more aware, to heal more, to be kinder, to be more loving, to be flexible and therefore use the changes to change.

WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, it is for us to discover what our options are and that comes from keeping an open mind and heart………

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Torn

Why is it that so many of us are fearful of change, of making our life feel different, better, easier, happier, we all know that there are logical steps to changing but the emotions of staying the same are like an anchor that keep us stuck.

Biologically, neuroscience holds the key to this, it is simple, your brain is a pattern matching organ, that creates and works with habit and repetition.

To change requires us to work against ourselves, to put ourself in conflict with ourself!! Therein lies the first step to the challenge of change, we need to create a new thought process and habit in order to allow the change to become a new normal! Our programming needs updating, if we were a phone our software needs an upgrade!

To change asks us to step out of our comfort zone into that place of unknowns, and uncertainty, it requires us to feel ‘fear’ and not to get stuck in worry, overthinking and the ‘what if’s’ then we have to keep on feeling this discomfort, until the new way of being becomes our new normal and a new habit is created. I know for me and those that I work with that sounds simple in theory, the practise is exactly that, to keep practising the new, to keep feeling the fear, to keep taking steps into the unknown and walking through the fear into NEW.

Ask yourself;

What small change would make a difference in my life?

it might be as simple as getting up a little earlier to have time for you, or going to bed earlier, it might be parking the car further away and walking more it could be swapping that glass of wine for a spritzer or just learning to say NO, asking your kids to do more to support you! Take a moment and this about what would support YOU.

How can you plan to implement this change?

what do you need to do to make it happen, is it write a reminder, tell someone, put a post it note somewhere to remind you..think about what would support you to make the change.

When it feels uncomfortable or you find an excuse what can you tell yourself?

I’ve got this! This is for me! This will make a big difference, keep going! Why not now! If nothing changes, nothing changes. Find a phrase, song or quote that supports you!

It takes us to feel the fear and keep going, using courage to keep moving through the discomfort, too often the minute we feel uncomfortable we will distract or just choose to stay stuck!

The quality of your life depends upon how courageous you choose to be!

When you keep walking through the fear, the discomfort, you are creating a new way of being, you are updating yourself, you are choosing to become more you and less the way of your habits, your inherited ways of being.

CHOOSE COURAGE TO BECOME MORE YOU

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Change…

‘an act or process through which we become different’

To change is a process and one that requires us to reflect and acknowledge where we are, where we want to be and the unknown journey in-between. Change is the only constant in life, but it actually goes against our neurobiology, our brain is a pattern matching organ, so it wants to repeat patterns. To change we have to work against ourselves, almost create internal conflict, in order to change we are breaking patterns of behaviour and beliefs, that in itself requires us to make it a conscious process.

Take a few minutes and ask yourself;

where would I want to make changes in my life?

what would those changes look like?

what is the first step in creating change? what beliefs hold me back?

what can I do on a daily basis to create the change?

how do I feel about making these changes?

what support do I need to commit to this process?

To create change it is important to know that there will be a lot of feelings that come up, because you are stepping out of your comfort zone and that in itself can feel overwhelming, daunting, scary because it is unknown and that in itself is a challenge for most people.

I am growing through change, it is unsettling to see what comes up. Having just written a book and waiting for it to be published I am aware that I will need to step up and be more visible, that for me is so deeply uncomfortable. My book is all about consciously raising teenagers whilst reparenting ourselves, it is something I am passionate about, growth, healing, mental and emotional wellbeing and yet the thought of standing up, being seen and sharing it, feels like a whole other me…so this evolving me, needs new courage, strength, huge changes along with new updated beliefs in order to be able to market my book, share my knowledge to make a difference.

We all have dreams and no how big or small they maybe, these dreams need us to change to be able to make them come true. It is so easy to tell ourselves all the reasons why things won’t work out, why life is difficult, to ruminate on the challenges and to overthink, all of this is self-sabotage and keeps us stuck. There lies the challenge, the opportunity to sink into the old patterns, the old beliefs all the reasons why not or to rise above, to get uncomfortable, to step in to the fear zone with courage and walk through to the learning zone….

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO TAKE THAT STEP INTO THE FEAR ZONE?

What dreams would you like to come true?

Short term ~ the next 6-12 months?

Medium term ~ the next 18-36 months?

Long term ~ 5 years+

Life is a journey and your journey needs you to reflect, invest time and energy in creating what it is you want to live.

Your changes and choices will impact your quality of life!

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Commitment to Wellbeing…

What does wellbeing, mean and feel like to you?

Everyone of us will know wellbeing in a different way and each one of us will have activities, people, places and past times that allow us to create, to feel well!

Tell me, what is it you do to feel well? to feel really alive? to know that life is a gift and you feel grateful for all that is your life?

So many people I love and so many clients tell me that they don’t have time to do what makes them feel well, that to find 5/10 minutes in their day is stressful, reflect what stops you you from wanting to feel the best you can feel when able? other than you?

For me it is the very simple things that enhance my wellbeing, eating well, enough sleep, fresh air, making time to walk as often as possible in nature, time to write, journalling, quiet time, reading, long baths, family time and time with the people who enhance me. When I ensure that I am looking after me, then my life flows more easily, I bring my best self to work and I feel grateful for life even the challenges. It has been a long journey to get here, as life used to be fast, chaotic, full on and it felt like I was racing myself to get to a fantasy finish line, it meant the I felt overwhelmed, disconnected and life could feel relentless. It only takes a few tweaks to start the process and then once you begin to feel the difference, new choices and boundaries feel easier to make.

Take a moment and ask yourself;

How can I make time for me?

What will I do with this time?

How will I feel when I am doing these things for me?

What impact will my wellbeing have on this around me?

What does my wellbeing, look and feel like?

When you decide to make a commitment to your wellbeing, you are making a choice to feel ‘good, alive, healthy and vibrant’ and that you is able to live a more fulfilled, happy and loving life – why wouldn’t you want to create that?

YOUR WELLBEING IS YOUR CHOICE!

NEW?

There can feel like a lot of pressure to be new, to update ourselves, our expectations, our life, health, habits and all that entails! It is good to be a able to take time to reflect on ourselves, our habits, our behaviours and to be able to choose to grow, heal, make different choices but we don’t have to set ourselves up to do them all at once. A new year, a new decade does not mean a new version of us… it can mean that we choose everyday to be more aware of what no longer serves us to grow and create new ways to thrive!

As I welcome in this new decade I want to be embrace the idea of ‘imperfectly or good enough’ …so being more aware of my choices, my behaviour, more conscious of what I do, how I spend my time, what I eat, say and watch, instead of setting rigid resolutions that feel constrictive and then harmful, I want to be more conscious of self awareness, of my journey through life!

We can use NEW to support us in creating a newer view of our lives, a kinder view of ourselves. Creating a relationship with ourself that is healthier, more compassionate and less critical or dismissive, this is turn will allow us to enter into all of our relationships with a newer insight into being present. When I reflect on my last year, the most poignant moments are with people, the most powerful memories are about connection, so if I am able to learn to connect into myself with more loving awareness then I hope to bring that into all my relationships…..

Small conscious changes make a difference!

Each new day…

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Every day we can either choose to live in the habits of being ourselves, unconsciously or we can learn how to create the mindset that allows us to live consciously, aware of all that we are and all that we have to be heartfelt grateful for.

Life can be so habitual that we are actually on autopilot, cruise control, we can get so used to being us, that we forget to stop and take stock of how we are who we are, the gift in each day, the luxury that can be found in everyday!

I have witnessed someone I love knowing that each day is not a given, that waking up each day is a luxury, that in itself allows you to really go back to the basics, to find the gift in the present moment. I also have the honour of working with people who find that life can be so overwhelming that the present moment can feel like torture, that their mind can make life feel too much and life can be too hard.

When we, our mind, is able to process life, be present in this moment then we can start the habit of ‘gratitude….recognising what we are able to feel grateful for!’

Take a moment and just ask yourself..

  1. what do I feel grateful for today, now?
  2. who enhances my life?
  3. how can I start to practise gratitude?
  4. what can I do today to honour my life?
  5. what does this moment feel like?
  6. how can I stop more and be aware of all that I have created?

Children are great at teaching us how to feel wonder, how to be in the moment, watch a child puddle jump and find the pleasure in splashing around, or throwing leaves in the air, they stop and really look around, they make life fun.

Allow yourself the pleasure of ‘wonder’ today of looking at the life around you with eyes of gratitude!

We can get so lost in our lives, in our not enough’s, in our unhappiness, in our discontent, that we forget to recognise what we do have, what we are, where life is good, where we are thriving, where we have created pleasure and ease.

As we wander through our lives, our days, our thoughts, we can support ourselves by creating a mindset that allows us to celebrate each day, to recognise the moments that are the gifts, to really make the choices that bring us the present of presence.

We are taught our mindsets unconsciously by our parents, by the world around us, so if you want to find the good in your world, you have to do the work, to create the mind that goes looking for the gift in life. It is no different to wanting to creating a healthy body by eating well and training, you invest time in you…. To find the magic in each day, you have to work on how you think, on what you think, you have to practise the thoughts that support you and acknowledge the ones that do not and let go of them.

I invite you to witness your thoughts…

  1. notice how you think, positive, negative, critical, judgmental?
  2. do you make it hard for yourself by what you think?
  3. what are your first thoughts in the morning and do they set you up for gratitude?
  4. where do your thoughts support you?
  5. where did you learn how to think like this?
  6. what thoughts could you change to make an impact on your day?
  7. starting to day what one thought would enhance you?

YOU decide, YOU practise, YOU create YOUR life!