Feelings come and go, unless we try to fix them by thinking them, many of us have unconsciously been taught that some feelings are scary and fearful. Feelings are like waves we can’t stop them, or clouds we can’t catch them, what we can do is to feel them, to sit with them and honour how we feel, whether that be sadness, hurt, loss or any other.
When we try to fix or think a feeling, we create more, we add fear into the mix, perhaps get confused, overwhelmed, or in order to cope, we disconnect. Our coping mechanisms become the issue, so then in order to cope with the coping mechanisms, we try to distract, whether that is drinking, shopping, taking drugs, gambling, emotional eating, working too much, getting too busy, anxiety, procrastination, we start to create habits to cope, these in themselves become more of the issue and buried underneath is a feeling that we are trying to avoid.
We have to learn to cope with the coping mechanisms!
If you look at the patterns of behaviour, they are what creates the overwhelm, we create more emotional turmoil, more mental torture because we believe the feelings may be too much, instead the coping mechanisms become too much. Addiction can be seen as a way to ‘get out of your head’ avoid the feelings, numb out what is happening within!
Why do we avoid our feelings?
There are many reasons;
we have never been taught how to feel, how to notice what is going on within us.
we don’t know how to acknowledge our feelings and what to do with them.
we may have a family culture that doesn’t talk about feelings, a learned behaviour.
it may have been scary as a child to feel our childhood or witness our parents feelings.
feelings may never have supported us, so they don’t feel good.
we have been taught to fear feelings, so we learn to avoid.
teachers, parents, friends, teach us it is not safe to feel.
society instills in us, boys, don’t cry, good girls deal with life, you are too sensitive.
As you can see it is not intentional but it is toxic, to not feel, by not feeling, we overthink, overthinking creates worry, anxiety and then we learn to live from fear not love.
Take moment to look at the wheel of emotions below, even the more challenging feelings are better, than anxiety, depression, addiction we used to escape our feelings! By learning to feel we learn to go with the flow of our emotions….
To feel is to be naturally in tune with your emotions.
To feel is to be emotionally aware of yourself and your life
To feel is to honour all of yourself and treat yourself like you would your most precious loved one!
What can we do to be more aware of our feelings?
Ask yourself, how do I feel in this moment? (that will change throughout the day)
Recognise, name and honour the feeling. I am sad and confused and then just let it be!
Be kinder to yourself and ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for me right now?
Recognise the old habits to fix, distract or ignore and know they served a purpose, but you are growing and this emotional intelligence wants to feel more.
If this were a lover, child, friend, what would you want to do to support them, then do this for you.
Give yourself permission to be ok with not feeling, being ok!
Do not attach anything to the feeling, but the feeling.
Life feels MORE when YOU feel more..
mylifeme1 