Kindness

There is so much stress, anger, fear and comparison in today’s world, we read about it, we see it and we are told the stories, the worst cases, it can feel like there is no escaping it. Growing up, years ago, the world felt like a safer place, we didn’t know what was going on within 2 minutes of it happening so maybe we were allowed to be more innocent and with that comes calmer and perhaps more capacity for kindness.

Technology is life enhancing when used in the right way as is information but like everything when used negatively it can harm, it can hurt, it can create divides and hate – it has to be time for us all to commit to KINDNESS!

What does kind look like to you?

What can you do today for yourself to be kinder? Maybe not judge yourself, maybe be more accepting to yourself? Maybe add in 5/10 minutes of doing something you enjoy?

How can you spread kind to those in your day? Is it a smile? Hello? making a cup of tea/coffee? Taking 5 minutes to ask how someone is?

Our world can feel fast paced, one where we can be connected 24/7, overwhelm can be a state we can get stuck in….

When was the last time someone was kind to you?

How did it make you feel?

What was the impact of their kindness on you?

Kindness, is a game changer, it is life enhancing, it is calming, it allows you to have the capacity to be able to think outside of everyday, it changes your brain and how it works, kindness allows you to pause and make a difference…. make the time, take the time and change your world and as you do you enhance someone else’s too…

Wishing you a day where kindness flows from you, through you and to you!

Acceptance!

How different would your life feel if you believed, truly believed that you are enough just as you are?

We are constantly bombarded by media, to want more, to be more, to have more, to be different, slimmer, more toned, more, more more…….all this actually creates is a mindset of NOT ENOUGH!! This mindset is great for the companies that want us to buy their products, as we then believe if I have, buy, do, eat, take, use that product, I will become the person who feels happier with myself ~ as a therapist, woman, mother and human being, I have to come to know that no ONE thing that I purchase brings me contentment and happiness.

What does allow us more presence, happiness and moments of contentment, acceptance ~ acceptance of this moment just as it is, acceptance of who we are, where we are and doing, being exactly as we are.

We have the power to change and make new choices, but unless we accept where we are, we are always chasing the next moment believing it to be the moment that is to be happy!

Learning how to accept is to be present, to acknowledge all that is happening and work with it, to grow through, feel through, be through all that is, even if it is not how you want it or imagine it to be. You always have choices, some days are great, some good, some challenging and some are just days, but they are your days to live, to love and to accept. With acceptance we allow life to feel very different, we are not trying to escape the moment but be with it.

Take a moment and ask yourself;

How can I accept today for all that it is?

What will support me to be more present?

Then notice how your day feels!

Acceptance is a game changer………..

Change…

‘an act or process through which we become different’

To change is a process and one that requires us to reflect and acknowledge where we are, where we want to be and the unknown journey in-between. Change is the only constant in life, but it actually goes against our neurobiology, our brain is a pattern matching organ, so it wants to repeat patterns. To change we have to work against ourselves, almost create internal conflict, in order to change we are breaking patterns of behaviour and beliefs, that in itself requires us to make it a conscious process.

Take a few minutes and ask yourself;

where would I want to make changes in my life?

what would those changes look like?

what is the first step in creating change? what beliefs hold me back?

what can I do on a daily basis to create the change?

how do I feel about making these changes?

what support do I need to commit to this process?

To create change it is important to know that there will be a lot of feelings that come up, because you are stepping out of your comfort zone and that in itself can feel overwhelming, daunting, scary because it is unknown and that in itself is a challenge for most people.

I am growing through change, it is unsettling to see what comes up. Having just written a book and waiting for it to be published I am aware that I will need to step up and be more visible, that for me is so deeply uncomfortable. My book is all about consciously raising teenagers whilst reparenting ourselves, it is something I am passionate about, growth, healing, mental and emotional wellbeing and yet the thought of standing up, being seen and sharing it, feels like a whole other me…so this evolving me, needs new courage, strength, huge changes along with new updated beliefs in order to be able to market my book, share my knowledge to make a difference.

We all have dreams and no how big or small they maybe, these dreams need us to change to be able to make them come true. It is so easy to tell ourselves all the reasons why things won’t work out, why life is difficult, to ruminate on the challenges and to overthink, all of this is self-sabotage and keeps us stuck. There lies the challenge, the opportunity to sink into the old patterns, the old beliefs all the reasons why not or to rise above, to get uncomfortable, to step in to the fear zone with courage and walk through to the learning zone….

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO TAKE THAT STEP INTO THE FEAR ZONE?

What dreams would you like to come true?

Short term ~ the next 6-12 months?

Medium term ~ the next 18-36 months?

Long term ~ 5 years+

Life is a journey and your journey needs you to reflect, invest time and energy in creating what it is you want to live.

Your changes and choices will impact your quality of life!

Commitment to Wellbeing…

What does wellbeing, mean and feel like to you?

Everyone of us will know wellbeing in a different way and each one of us will have activities, people, places and past times that allow us to create, to feel well!

Tell me, what is it you do to feel well? to feel really alive? to know that life is a gift and you feel grateful for all that is your life?

So many people I love and so many clients tell me that they don’t have time to do what makes them feel well, that to find 5/10 minutes in their day is stressful, reflect what stops you you from wanting to feel the best you can feel when able? other than you?

For me it is the very simple things that enhance my wellbeing, eating well, enough sleep, fresh air, making time to walk as often as possible in nature, time to write, journalling, quiet time, reading, long baths, family time and time with the people who enhance me. When I ensure that I am looking after me, then my life flows more easily, I bring my best self to work and I feel grateful for life even the challenges. It has been a long journey to get here, as life used to be fast, chaotic, full on and it felt like I was racing myself to get to a fantasy finish line, it meant the I felt overwhelmed, disconnected and life could feel relentless. It only takes a few tweaks to start the process and then once you begin to feel the difference, new choices and boundaries feel easier to make.

Take a moment and ask yourself;

How can I make time for me?

What will I do with this time?

How will I feel when I am doing these things for me?

What impact will my wellbeing have on this around me?

What does my wellbeing, look and feel like?

When you decide to make a commitment to your wellbeing, you are making a choice to feel ‘good, alive, healthy and vibrant’ and that you is able to live a more fulfilled, happy and loving life – why wouldn’t you want to create that?

YOUR WELLBEING IS YOUR CHOICE!

Grow through…

All of us will experience change, uncertainty, trauma, challenges, difficulties, life will throw us curve balls and in these moments we have choices and it is recognising and trusting ourselves that supports us at this time.

We can choose to grow through what we go through, I know for me some of the most difficult times in my life have allowed me, through my choices to become more of the person I want to be. The challenges have supported me in stripping away all that no longer serves me, the pain has encouraged me to go within, reflect.

Life is a journey and that journey is up to us, how we choose to travel, where, with whom, which route, what speed and what we take with us. You always have choices, you can always choose differently, in order to do that it is important to be aware of what it is you are going through, to be present as opposed to be distracted.

Think about;

What do you think the difficult times in your life have taught you?

How have those times shaped you?

What would you tell the you that went through those difficult times?

How would you want to shape this you moving forward?

Do you trust yourself to get through the hard times?

What choices have led you to this you today? Do you want to move on from this you? how?

When we can really sit with our pain, the challenges, the change and not distract ourselves, when we are able to acknowledge – this hurts and its not ok, but I am ok with it not being ok, then we give ourselves the space to work with through all that is happening. However most of us are taught from a young age, to distort, to distract or to deny the difficult feelings as they are perceived as negative, we are not shown how to acknowledge or too honour. Not being ok with difficult times, with pain is where our addictions or bad habits start, we busy ourselves so as not to feel, be it shopping, drinking, binge watching, we occupy ourselves through the pain, we numb ourselves and limit our choices.

Life will feel overwhelming, there will be dark times, we will feel lost, loss, pain, sadness, the unknown, the fear will be a part of our journey, just like the weather, we will know rain, thunder and snow, if we can learn to be with those times, those emotions, we can choose growth.

What do you need to support you through the hard times?

What would you like the challenges to allow you to become?

How would you want to grow through?

Who could you share with to make these times feel different?

GROW into your best self whatever detours you take through life!

Trust ..

As a therapist, one of the most powerful teachings I have learnt is to trust the process, it can also be one of the most frustrating when life feels like it is hurtling out of control.

So what does this mean, to trust the process? Well for me, someone who learnt to try and contain and control the chaos of my life pre-therapy, it has many meanings and many teachings, the most powerful is just to TRUST;

To trust myself

To trust the decisions I make

To trust that I will make mistakes, upset people, have challenging days and that is ok

To trust that even when life feels overwhelming, stressful and too much, it is ok

To trust that change is the most consistent part of life

Take a moment;

Where can you learn to trust yourself more?

What would you be doing if you were trusting more? How would that impact you?

Where do you notice your overthinking, over control or procrastination?

Where can you see that fear drives you?

A lot of my life has been about controlling, controlling my emotions, my thoughts, my words, so in reality controlling who I am, in order that I feel I am enough to fit in, whatever that means. As I grow older and I would like to think wiser, I have come to realise, that when I trust who I am, then my tribe show up, then I spend time with the people who inspire me, who love me for me, who enhance me, life falls into place.

When I trust the events of my life they seem to become the most intricately weaved journey of experiences and lessons, I am able to grow with them, more effortlessly and with gentleness.

To trust has taught me to be kinder to myself and instead of pushing, to relax into and enjoy what is.

When we trust the process, we come to know that we have all we need within us, and that is the gift. We come to trust that each day has magic hidden within, if we just look a little deeper, we learn to trust that we are as exactly where we need to be, to heal, to grow and to become more of our authentic self.

To trust is to be in the here and now of our life and be immersed in the journey.

Comparison or Compassion!

Todays world feel complex, witnessing my teenagers and my clients navigate their way through the daily challenges of social media, of comparison, competition and the conflicts of social media! It strikes me that although we are all able to be more connected to the world around us, we are all becoming less connected to our feelings our mental wellbeing, our kindness, compassion and our true selves.

How can we teach our kids that social media can be a healthy addition to life, if we are able to create a way to relate to it that adds to life, not steals from us. For me social media, the internet and all that entails allows me great knowledge at my fingertips, connections to loved ones on other continents, it supports me with my wellbeing, meditation, yoga classes and access to inspiring blogs and podcasts to educate and inform me in so many ways.

I have had to create a healthy time boundary so that I do not get lost in the virtual world.

I hear so many people comparing themselves to all that that see online, to people’s lives, to others staged pictures, moments, I feel the pain of the damage it creates, especially with teenagers, believing they are ‘not enough’ unless they have xyz, unless they have x amount followers, own the latest brand of whatever consumer brand is in, are as buff/thin/toned/brown/ whatever it maybe as the latest celebrity!! It is a crazy world when we are supporting our kids to become addicted to a very distorted reality, when we allowing them to escape into connecting into primarily, technology!

Can we really wonder why teenage mental health is in crisis, why more teenagers suffer with anxiety, depression, self harm along with many other illness’ than ever before…

Is it time to create more boundaries, boundaries that allow for compassion, collaboration, creativity, and allow for mental and emotional connection and in turn a level of contentment!

What can we do to create changes, how can we role model healthier connections;

Create a time boundary for you and technology and then introduce into your home?
Have rooms where no phones are allowed and talk, share, make time to CONNECT!
Introduce healthy competition – teach to kids to be better than they were yesterday.
Explain the distortions and insecurities that have people need to ‘show off, gloat’ online.
Teach kids that there bodies are not currency for likes, they are to be respected!
Play games, watch move together, remind yourself that FUN, involves other people!
Start small and watch how it grows, 10 mins of connecting becomes 20/30/40…
Know there will be good and challenging days
Remind yourself that memories are made person to person, not through social media!

If we want to build healthy thriving kids, we have to build healthier calmer happier selves….

I invite you to connect to the most creative and compassionate you so you create more contentment, gratitude in your life!

Life is a gift…

Each new day is a gift, even though some days it may not feel like it!

Witnessing life and the journey of loved ones illness’ allows us insights into the many facets of the passage of life. I have the luxury of working with all different types of people all who want to ‘feel’ more themselves as they journey through their days. One of the many issues that plagues us as human beings, is love, self-love, self-care, self-awareness… most of us can be really good almost professional at putting ourselves down, making ourselves small, not believing in ourselves, not following our dreams and creating a life that is less that we want to live. This quality of life then creates emotional issues as we are living from fear, from less than, from not enough and these habits ravage us and all that we aim for.

This level of self doubt, fear is akin to the bushfires we are reading about that are destroying Australia…..it destroys us and our dreams, it makes our life smaller and in may ways it traps us in our heads, in our worries, our worst cases, our fears.

As the world unites to support the Australian communities to manage and recover from the fires, is it not time to unite in love, self-love to heal the wounds of being self-critical, of lack of self-worth and of self -doubt?

How would your life be different if you loved yourself more?

What would you be doing if love ruled you each day?

What would you love to add to your life to feel more love?

Where would love change your life?

What do you love to do that you haven’t done for a while?

How do you show love to you?

How do others know you love them?

When, where and with who do you feel loved?

Love is a powerful feeling;

one that unites and heals

one that is compassionate

one that is collaborative and connects ~ where can you share, show & be more LOVE?

When we live from LOVE, life is a gift!

NEW?

There can feel like a lot of pressure to be new, to update ourselves, our expectations, our life, health, habits and all that entails! It is good to be a able to take time to reflect on ourselves, our habits, our behaviours and to be able to choose to grow, heal, make different choices but we don’t have to set ourselves up to do them all at once. A new year, a new decade does not mean a new version of us… it can mean that we choose everyday to be more aware of what no longer serves us to grow and create new ways to thrive!

As I welcome in this new decade I want to be embrace the idea of ‘imperfectly or good enough’ …so being more aware of my choices, my behaviour, more conscious of what I do, how I spend my time, what I eat, say and watch, instead of setting rigid resolutions that feel constrictive and then harmful, I want to be more conscious of self awareness, of my journey through life!

We can use NEW to support us in creating a newer view of our lives, a kinder view of ourselves. Creating a relationship with ourself that is healthier, more compassionate and less critical or dismissive, this is turn will allow us to enter into all of our relationships with a newer insight into being present. When I reflect on my last year, the most poignant moments are with people, the most powerful memories are about connection, so if I am able to learn to connect into myself with more loving awareness then I hope to bring that into all my relationships…..

Small conscious changes make a difference!

Each new day…

Every day we can either choose to live in the habits of being ourselves, unconsciously or we can learn how to create the mindset that allows us to live consciously, aware of all that we are and all that we have to be heartfelt grateful for.

Life can be so habitual that we are actually on autopilot, cruise control, we can get so used to being us, that we forget to stop and take stock of how we are who we are, the gift in each day, the luxury that can be found in everyday!

I have witnessed someone I love knowing that each day is not a given, that waking up each day is a luxury, that in itself allows you to really go back to the basics, to find the gift in the present moment. I also have the honour of working with people who find that life can be so overwhelming that the present moment can feel like torture, that their mind can make life feel too much and life can be too hard.

When we, our mind, is able to process life, be present in this moment then we can start the habit of ‘gratitude….recognising what we are able to feel grateful for!’

Take a moment and just ask yourself..

what do I feel grateful for today, now?
who enhances my life?
how can I start to practise gratitude?
what can I do today to honour my life?
what does this moment feel like?
how can I stop more and be aware of all that I have created?

Children are great at teaching us how to feel wonder, how to be in the moment, watch a child puddle jump and find the pleasure in splashing around, or throwing leaves in the air, they stop and really look around, they make life fun.

Allow yourself the pleasure of ‘wonder’ today of looking at the life around you with eyes of gratitude!

We can get so lost in our lives, in our not enough’s, in our unhappiness, in our discontent, that we forget to recognise what we do have, what we are, where life is good, where we are thriving, where we have created pleasure and ease.

As we wander through our lives, our days, our thoughts, we can support ourselves by creating a mindset that allows us to celebrate each day, to recognise the moments that are the gifts, to really make the choices that bring us the present of presence.

We are taught our mindsets unconsciously by our parents, by the world around us, so if you want to find the good in your world, you have to do the work, to create the mind that goes looking for the gift in life. It is no different to wanting to creating a healthy body by eating well and training, you invest time in you…. To find the magic in each day, you have to work on how you think, on what you think, you have to practise the thoughts that support you and acknowledge the ones that do not and let go of them.

I invite you to witness your thoughts…

notice how you think, positive, negative, critical, judgmental?
do you make it hard for yourself by what you think?
what are your first thoughts in the morning and do they set you up for gratitude?
where do your thoughts support you?
where did you learn how to think like this?
what thoughts could you change to make an impact on your day?
starting to day what one thought would enhance you?

YOU decide, YOU practise, YOU create YOUR life!