The Power and Pleasure of Duality

We are living in strange times, where we are in a state of duality ~ April was the first full month of safe@home or lockdown, and it has been different for everyone, even though we are all in the same storm we are all feeling it so very differently. Some people are enjoying the slower pace of life whilst being furloughed and are able to relax, do all that they have meant to have done, missing their loved ones, but finding a new rhythm that is healthier, whereas many others are fearful, stuck, lost, and swinging between the fear of illness, loss, instability, financial scarcity and loneliness. Many others are swinging between the safe@home and lockdown, both ok and also not ok. We are all experiencing new levels of emotions as we are ‘trapped’ within ourselves with less distractions.

One of the biggest awareness’ for me at present is we are alive but every day is measured by how many have died…. broadcast daily, to educate as to how we are managing the virus, but for so many people it spreads, fear, worst case thinking and deep sadness as the numbers rise daily. The duality is that this life is measured through death!

If we are well and healthy we are caught in a limbo of what feels like an unknown new normal, where we are all day by day learning more about how we operate under and within these new conditions.

The duality of this time~

if healthy we are alert to a cough, temperature or signs of illness
physically disconnected whilst more aware of the power and pleasure of connection
alive but so very aware of death
safe at home and lockdown
together with family and disconnected through technology
grateful for so much and yet yearning old ways of living
creating a new normal whilst more aware of old ways of being
evolving and being triggered
healing and feeling the fear
peaceful and in conflict
seeing the goodness and also the greed
feeling content and deep sadness
being ok and not ok

This chapter in our lives can allow us the learning curve to create and accept that duality is part of everyday life.

We can take the time to learn how to honour, hold and balance opposing feelings, views and understandings and learn to be ok with it.

I can be both deeply happy whilst a part of me feels sadness, I can love someone and feel irritated with them, I can feel driven towards a goal and procrastinate, I can feel calm and yet a part of me can feel unsettled, when we accept where we are, then and only then we can change!

We as humans are duality, mind and body, heart and soul, thoughts and feelings, and it is up to us to learn how to balance the differing aspects of ourselves. I believe the biggest lesson for me has been to appreciate thoughts and feelings and honour the power of these both individually and dynamically. I was taught growing up that feelings were a negative, that you were weak, pathetic or too much if you felt life, your emotions, so I learned intellect has more value, however as we know, when you numb out emotions, you disconnect from feelings, so life is achievements, goals and a never ending ‘to do list’ – this will never take you to calm or contentment. Through therapy, my work and curiosity I have the pleasure to honour and feel my feelings, all of them, from the unsettling, scared, sad along through to the happy, joy and ease, making the journey so very different.

To feel is to be present in life, to be connected to all that is happening within and around you.

To think is to allow your mind to create, it is vital to learn the skill of not overthinking or only thinking ~ the power and pleasure of duality.

Give yourself permission to accept yourself, your feelings and your thoughts just as they are and then notice how they change!

Life magnified….

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Living through these times, this pandemic, is giving a lot of us, more time, more space and a different pace of life – allowing us insights into ourselves, our lives, our way of being and how we think. Our world is experiencing the same event and and yet we are witnessing different reactions from everyone around us, the leaders, the media and those we love. You may find that you are different at this time! In some aspects life is now in slo-mo and when we watch a clip at this pace, there is more to be seen.

We are watching, witnessing life differently. We are interacting from a new normal a place that can be both unknown and unsettling, as well as slower and more intense or overwhelming;

How are you supporting you at this time?

What are you feeling and how are you managing your feelings?

Are you checking in with you regularly to create balance?

Where do you feel life is magnified? Feelings? No space? Kids at home? Little escape?

What would allow you to be more present in the moment whilst honouring your feelings?

What would allow you to minimise some of the magnifications?

I have noticed with myself and clients that finding a balance in this new normal requires a new awareness, a new way of being. We are with ourselves more, there are less distractions, there is the space to feel many of the feelings, we have made ourselves too busy to feel. Old experiences that we have dealt with, lived through then moved on from maybe re-presenting themselves to be FELT, healed.

This chapter in life is creating the space for old trauma to surface, old feelings to rise up. Allowing us if we choose to, to take the time to reflect on our journey to today.

Do you want your journey out of here to be of a similar nature or will change support you more?

In order to change our lives, we first have to notice what is being magnified and reflect, contemplate, heal and then grow through.

Changes doesn’t happen just because we want it too, change is a process and one that we have to be engaged in and committed too.

There are many ways to support ourselves though this time, being present in this moment allows you to feel but not overthink ~ many people try and think their way through a feeling, which is a bit like trying to think a painting and hoping the thoughts produce a picture on a canvas… a thought allows you a logical insight or it overwhelms you with the “WHAT IF?” scenarios, so allow yourself the gift to be present.

Take a moment now, PAUSE & just be aware;

how does your body feel? what can you hear? what can you see? can you feel your skin and what sits next to it? are you aware of where your feet touch the floor? where in your body is there stillness? what does the skin on your hand feel like? can you feel your heart beat? do you notice your breath?

Being present is to be fully engaged in this moment and when we are, our mind quietens with the narration of ‘busyness, noise, comparisons, worst cases’ we come back to ourself.

We can only live in the now, I know for me, I have come to realise that I daydream a lot, I create magical scenarios in my head that are a lovely escape, but they still take me away from being HERE, so they dilute this moment, and I miss the details, the feelings, the connections because I am living in my head. When I practise being present, living more consciously, life is magnified, so the calm is calmer, the feeling are stronger, I witness myself more deeply, I create a relationship with myself and I am more present.

Do you have that one friend, or maybe a family member, your therapist or colleague where you FEEL heard and through this you know you are seen and acknowledged for being YOU ~ imagine if you gave yourself this gift…if you took the time to magnify how you feel and saw the magnificence of YOU!

A magnified life can allow for change, I wish you the time to practise seeing yourself as you do those you love the most, with magic, awe, respect and deep appreciation.

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Thinking, overthinking & thoughts

Our thoughts determine the quality of our mental health, our physical wellbeing and our emotional life.

Our thoughts therefore play a different but as important role as our heart, the engine of our physical health and our mind the engine of our mental life.

How do you think, best case or worst case thinker? fantasises or catastrophes?

We have all been taught unconsciously how to think, we have learned from our parents, who learned from their parents, school plays a role, peers plays a role and then as we grow we get to choose our opinions based on our beliefs and thinking. The life we live is determined by the thoughts we think, so if we expect life to be challenging and hard, it will be, as we believe it to be that way and will even question the good events that occur. If we believe that life is a gift and we are grateful, good will happen and we can create our dreams, then we will and all of this is created from our mind.

Take a moment and ask yourself;

how do I feel about today?
what do I believe I can create in my life?
does my thinking support me?
do I get lost in worst case, catastrophic thinking?
how often do I get lost in daydreaming or fantasy thinking?
do I trust my thoughts to support me?
have I ever questioned how I think?

Your mindset, the way you look at life, the way you think is therefore programmed in as you grow and at this point you are not aware of the programming. However you are now aware which is why you are reading blogs like this, you want change, you want to make changes and they start with your thoughts. They start with practising a growth mindset, to allow yourself to be open to view the world differently, to notice yourself, your reactions, your thoughts and then to question if they work for you or not.

Take a moment;

what is the first thought you would like to change? what would you change it to?
what are a few other thoughts that if you challenged would change you?
explore where in your life it feel most difficult, stuck, challenging?

Rehearse some new thoughts, if that feels too much, look up people that you admire and research how they view the world, how they think about different aspects of life, whether it is a sports hero, business leader, spiritual advisor, writer, artist, scientist, astronaut, fashion designer, whoever inspires you, read about their journey and a few of their interviews!

Your thoughts are the hard drive to your life, in order to create a better life, it requires investing time and reflection as to how you are you and then noticing where that works and where that holds you back.

The happiness, the ease, the calm, the gratitude, the contentment, the success, the health, the comfort, the quality of your life all depends upon YOUR THOUGHTS and the way YOU THINK!!