Transitions

How will you transition into this chapter in your life?

What will you choose to do differently?

How will you ensure that some of the realisations you had in lockdown can be implemented in everyday life?

Here we are, life is slowly beginning to reopen in many different ways, we have choices as to how we reinstate our daily lives, we have new awareness’ as to what is important to us, we have new insights as to the value of time, people, health and choices.

Life has been in a state of limbo, if you have continued working it has been in such a different way, and if you were unable to work, then you have had time and space to reflect upon your life, your choices and what you would like to do after lockdown.

It is that time, AFTER, coming out of, changing, now we are in the transition and it is up to you to create the quality of life that works for you, the pace of life that supports you, to see the people that enhance you, to integrate some of what lock down allowed into life. We were living with the background ‘what if’s?’ what if someone I love dies? what if I get it? what if I lose my job? what if I can’t cope? what if ….. the fear of worst case ~ so NOW is the time to create the best case, to allow the pause we have all just experienced to support us to become a better version of ourself!

What have you learnt about you over the last few months?

What do you want to integrate from lockdown to now?

How can you integrate these ideas into your life?

What do you need to make these changes?

What feelings do these changes bring up for you? Can you hold space for yourself as you feel your way through?

Who allows you to talk this through? Who do you feel heard by?

What are you UNLEARNING?

What are you choosing to learn to implement these changes?

Allow yourself all that you need to grow through this time, it is a valuable process and one that will allow you to align more with what makes life feel more authentic to you. Our brains are pattern matching organs, so it will want to restart life where you left it off, however if the last few months teach us nothing then we haven’t allowed ourselves the gift of growth, the choice to change, the chance to CREATE our life to be more of what we want it to be.

If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you always got…

May this transition be one that supports you to become more you and create a life that allows you to THRIVE? YOU DECIDE?

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Your new normal?

Day 80 lockdown, safe@home whatever you choose to call this time, we are all aware that boundaries are being lifted slowly and life is beginning to pick up pace, for some it never slowed down due to jobs, but for many it has been life changing, so what can you carry with you moving forward!

Many people I have spoken to have reflected during this time on their life, on their priorities and how they had created a lifestyle that was full, busy and yet on so many levels empty, rushed and disconnected. Time at home, has had us connect, reconnect and immerse ourselves in the simple values, love, caring, reaching out to help others, taking time to really know how someone is, asking how are you?’ and really wanting to know.

March 23 2020 heralded a new way of living, it started in fear and the unknown, many areas of a previous lifestyle closed down to us. We were put into a form of survival mode, for some it was a relief, for others terrifying but for all of us massive changes were inflicted and we were to some degree powerless! We had choices, but they felt limited and many of us became overwhelmed, so choices felt too far out of reach to touch…

Boundaries are being lifted, we are able to do more, we have access to more, but before we rush back in to the old way of being, are there some questions that may support you evolving from this time;

What have you learnt about you, life, your way of being?
How have you felt during this time?
Are you more aware of your mental and emotional needs?
What has come up for you emotionally and mentally?
Have you enjoyed a slower pace of life?
Have you recognised how busy was a coping mechanism, a distraction for you?
What changes would you like to make?
How could you start to implement them?
What would you need to put these changes in place?
What would you like to ensure you don’t do moving forward?
How can you look after you differently?

Life is a journey and there is no destination we are travelling towards, on some level we are all winging it, aiming to create happiness, calm, content, healthy, safe, to thrive where we can. Every opportunity can allow us to grow, to step out of old survival modes, old coping mechanisms and put in place through conscious living a healthier way to love, to live and when we do this we can in turn make more of a difference to others, we can love more, we can care more, we can feel more and we can be more!

We all have a responsibility to RECALIBRATE to come out of this time a better human being, the earth has regenerated, the skies are clearer, the oceans cleaner, maybe we can grow to be more loving, kinder, more aware and more engaged in making our world a better place for EVERYONE!

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Wounds to Wisdom!

We have all been emotionally and mentally wounded in many different ways and at numerous different times throughout our life. Our parents unconsciously started this journey for us, they laid the foundations to our mental and emotional wellbeing, if we were lucky enough, as well as creating the first wounds, the traumas of childhood! They shared with us their wounds unknowingly!

Our journey through life is initially travelled with others’ beliefs, attitudes and emotional understandings, we are rarely aware that these are not our choices, they are what we have learnt through those around us, through our family, our culture, our peers, our education. It is not until we reach certain choices or crisis’, that we can begin to recognise that the old beliefs, that aren’t really ours, no longer serve us.

Self realisation creeps in and we begin to recognise this isn’t the me that I would choose to be, perhaps through being triggered by certain people, events or situations, perhaps through trauma, maybe loss but there is always that moment or those times when you see that you can no longer be this you! Survival mode no longer serves you, the wounds you endured, are bleeding out and you can no longer live from the wound.

Take a moment ~ what are the wounds that drive you?

Explore your beliefs about you ~ not enough? too much? unlovable? why me? why not me? everyone is better than me? I don’t fit it? I am failure? I don’t deserve? no one understands me? I am different? it is always my fault?

As we show up for ourselves, as we own our pain, recognise our wounds, acknowledge the trauma, feel the feelings and really honour how we are, then and only then can we begin the process of healing the wound and finding the wisdom within.

HOW DO WE DO THIS? For me, it is to imagine how I would be with a friend that is sharing all that I am exploring and I connect to me like I would want to with them. I notice the feelings and validate them. I ask questions of myself to recognise what is going on for me. I hold the feelings with respect and feel them, not dismiss or undermine myself. I treat myself like a really precious friend and thereby start the process of healing by honouring how I am and where I am in myself.

The wound was created by someone else BUT the healing is our journey.

It is so easy to stay in the cycle of trigger, hurt, pain, blame, repeat, however when we do this we are not looking for a way through but a way out, at the point of blame we are making someone else responsible for our feelings. We hand over our happiness to others. The greatest teacher is our trigger, THE WOUND, the moment we feel that overreaction, whether it be hurt, pain, anger, frustration we can explore, we can journey inward to feel where it is coming from, what the feelings behind it is…

For me anger is the key to a lot of emotional release, the moment I feel angry I can usually find, hurt, disappointment and feelings of ‘not enough’ lurking somewhere behind. When I allow myself to feel through the anger, the sadness arises and then I begin to let go…. the other choice I used to go with was to feel anger, blame the other person, rage inside, and repeat this never ending cycle, one I had grown up with and was bizarrely comfortable in.

Recalibration for me has been as pivotal as transformation. We can transform, heal our feelings, find the wisdom from within the wound, and then we have to create the new normal from the wisdom and love not from the wound and pain ~ so to recalibrate is to allow a new layer of me to be, to take the old mask off and keep it off!

Your wisdom is unique to you, it is what allows you to be the most authentic you, it is your journey, your healing and your love ~ it is within you if you allow yourself to travel back to you, the real you, the treasure of your truth.

YOUR WOUND TAKES YOU TO YOUR WISDOM……………

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Your Power to Choose!

We are in uncertain times where everyday has more news, more worst cases, more uncertainties and understandably we can feel overwhelmed, anxious, fearful. It is at these times in our life that we can grow, we can change, we can allow ourselves to grow through what we go through.

We can CHOOSE how we navigate this time of unknowns, we can choose to change our mindset, to allow ourselves to become more open minded, to see our world and fellow human beings with love and kindness, we can dig deeper and discover new levels of compassion, awareness and understanding or we can do what we have always done.

Too many people I care about live from a place of fear and they then choose to continue to scare themselves by thinking and overthinking worst case, that too is a choice, unless it is a mental health issue and then it requires the right support to manage and heal.

So we have choices in each and every day….

You can decide to stay the same, you can remain as you are or NOT!

You can choose to look at this situation through the lens of love and then learn to navigate through these times from a place of awareness, kindness and more trust!

Each day you can decide what allows you calm and add more of this into your day, anything from meditation, reading a book, a long bath, a walk, or maybe some journalling!

When we choose to respond, we have taken time to allow our mind to appreciate, integrate and understand the situation and decided on a way to manage the experience, we have empowered ourself to find the best way through, the healthiest way!

A reaction is born out of fear, habit and conditioning, it can feel less supportive, life can feel relentless, we can feel stuck!

We have the power to make choices in these times of uncertainty, we have the power to decide to become more of our true self, to become more aware, to heal more, to be kinder, to be more loving, to be flexible and therefore use the changes to change.

WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, it is for us to discover what our options are and that comes from keeping an open mind and heart………

Grow through…

All of us will experience change, uncertainty, trauma, challenges, difficulties, life will throw us curve balls and in these moments we have choices and it is recognising and trusting ourselves that supports us at this time.

We can choose to grow through what we go through, I know for me some of the most difficult times in my life have allowed me, through my choices to become more of the person I want to be. The challenges have supported me in stripping away all that no longer serves me, the pain has encouraged me to go within, reflect.

Life is a journey and that journey is up to us, how we choose to travel, where, with whom, which route, what speed and what we take with us. You always have choices, you can always choose differently, in order to do that it is important to be aware of what it is you are going through, to be present as opposed to be distracted.

Think about;

What do you think the difficult times in your life have taught you?

How have those times shaped you?

What would you tell the you that went through those difficult times?

How would you want to shape this you moving forward?

Do you trust yourself to get through the hard times?

What choices have led you to this you today? Do you want to move on from this you? how?

When we can really sit with our pain, the challenges, the change and not distract ourselves, when we are able to acknowledge – this hurts and its not ok, but I am ok with it not being ok, then we give ourselves the space to work with through all that is happening. However most of us are taught from a young age, to distort, to distract or to deny the difficult feelings as they are perceived as negative, we are not shown how to acknowledge or too honour. Not being ok with difficult times, with pain is where our addictions or bad habits start, we busy ourselves so as not to feel, be it shopping, drinking, binge watching, we occupy ourselves through the pain, we numb ourselves and limit our choices.

Life will feel overwhelming, there will be dark times, we will feel lost, loss, pain, sadness, the unknown, the fear will be a part of our journey, just like the weather, we will know rain, thunder and snow, if we can learn to be with those times, those emotions, we can choose growth.

What do you need to support you through the hard times?

What would you like the challenges to allow you to become?

How would you want to grow through?

Who could you share with to make these times feel different?

GROW into your best self whatever detours you take through life!

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Comparison or Compassion!

Todays world feel complex, witnessing my teenagers and my clients navigate their way through the daily challenges of social media, of comparison, competition and the conflicts of social media! It strikes me that although we are all able to be more connected to the world around us, we are all becoming less connected to our feelings our mental wellbeing, our kindness, compassion and our true selves.

How can we teach our kids that social media can be a healthy addition to life, if we are able to create a way to relate to it that adds to life, not steals from us. For me social media, the internet and all that entails allows me great knowledge at my fingertips, connections to loved ones on other continents, it supports me with my wellbeing, meditation, yoga classes and access to inspiring blogs and podcasts to educate and inform me in so many ways.

I have had to create a healthy time boundary so that I do not get lost in the virtual world.

I hear so many people comparing themselves to all that that see online, to people’s lives, to others staged pictures, moments, I feel the pain of the damage it creates, especially with teenagers, believing they are ‘not enough’ unless they have xyz, unless they have x amount followers, own the latest brand of whatever consumer brand is in, are as buff/thin/toned/brown/ whatever it maybe as the latest celebrity!! It is a crazy world when we are supporting our kids to become addicted to a very distorted reality, when we allowing them to escape into connecting into primarily, technology!

Can we really wonder why teenage mental health is in crisis, why more teenagers suffer with anxiety, depression, self harm along with many other illness’ than ever before…

Is it time to create more boundaries, boundaries that allow for compassion, collaboration, creativity, and allow for mental and emotional connection and in turn a level of contentment!

What can we do to create changes, how can we role model healthier connections;

Create a time boundary for you and technology and then introduce into your home?
Have rooms where no phones are allowed and talk, share, make time to CONNECT!
Introduce healthy competition – teach to kids to be better than they were yesterday.
Explain the distortions and insecurities that have people need to ‘show off, gloat’ online.
Teach kids that there bodies are not currency for likes, they are to be respected!
Play games, watch move together, remind yourself that FUN, involves other people!
Start small and watch how it grows, 10 mins of connecting becomes 20/30/40…
Know there will be good and challenging days
Remind yourself that memories are made person to person, not through social media!

If we want to build healthy thriving kids, we have to build healthier calmer happier selves….

I invite you to connect to the most creative and compassionate you so you create more contentment, gratitude in your life!

NEW?

There can feel like a lot of pressure to be new, to update ourselves, our expectations, our life, health, habits and all that entails! It is good to be a able to take time to reflect on ourselves, our habits, our behaviours and to be able to choose to grow, heal, make different choices but we don’t have to set ourselves up to do them all at once. A new year, a new decade does not mean a new version of us… it can mean that we choose everyday to be more aware of what no longer serves us to grow and create new ways to thrive!

As I welcome in this new decade I want to be embrace the idea of ‘imperfectly or good enough’ …so being more aware of my choices, my behaviour, more conscious of what I do, how I spend my time, what I eat, say and watch, instead of setting rigid resolutions that feel constrictive and then harmful, I want to be more conscious of self awareness, of my journey through life!

We can use NEW to support us in creating a newer view of our lives, a kinder view of ourselves. Creating a relationship with ourself that is healthier, more compassionate and less critical or dismissive, this is turn will allow us to enter into all of our relationships with a newer insight into being present. When I reflect on my last year, the most poignant moments are with people, the most powerful memories are about connection, so if I am able to learn to connect into myself with more loving awareness then I hope to bring that into all my relationships…..

Small conscious changes make a difference!

Each new day…

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Every day we can either choose to live in the habits of being ourselves, unconsciously or we can learn how to create the mindset that allows us to live consciously, aware of all that we are and all that we have to be heartfelt grateful for.

Life can be so habitual that we are actually on autopilot, cruise control, we can get so used to being us, that we forget to stop and take stock of how we are who we are, the gift in each day, the luxury that can be found in everyday!

I have witnessed someone I love knowing that each day is not a given, that waking up each day is a luxury, that in itself allows you to really go back to the basics, to find the gift in the present moment. I also have the honour of working with people who find that life can be so overwhelming that the present moment can feel like torture, that their mind can make life feel too much and life can be too hard.

When we, our mind, is able to process life, be present in this moment then we can start the habit of ‘gratitude….recognising what we are able to feel grateful for!’

Take a moment and just ask yourself..

what do I feel grateful for today, now?
who enhances my life?
how can I start to practise gratitude?
what can I do today to honour my life?
what does this moment feel like?
how can I stop more and be aware of all that I have created?

Children are great at teaching us how to feel wonder, how to be in the moment, watch a child puddle jump and find the pleasure in splashing around, or throwing leaves in the air, they stop and really look around, they make life fun.

Allow yourself the pleasure of ‘wonder’ today of looking at the life around you with eyes of gratitude!

We can get so lost in our lives, in our not enough’s, in our unhappiness, in our discontent, that we forget to recognise what we do have, what we are, where life is good, where we are thriving, where we have created pleasure and ease.

As we wander through our lives, our days, our thoughts, we can support ourselves by creating a mindset that allows us to celebrate each day, to recognise the moments that are the gifts, to really make the choices that bring us the present of presence.

We are taught our mindsets unconsciously by our parents, by the world around us, so if you want to find the good in your world, you have to do the work, to create the mind that goes looking for the gift in life. It is no different to wanting to creating a healthy body by eating well and training, you invest time in you…. To find the magic in each day, you have to work on how you think, on what you think, you have to practise the thoughts that support you and acknowledge the ones that do not and let go of them.

I invite you to witness your thoughts…

notice how you think, positive, negative, critical, judgmental?
do you make it hard for yourself by what you think?
what are your first thoughts in the morning and do they set you up for gratitude?
where do your thoughts support you?
where did you learn how to think like this?
what thoughts could you change to make an impact on your day?
starting to day what one thought would enhance you?

YOU decide, YOU practise, YOU create YOUR life!

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Boundaries

Personal boundaries are guidelines, ideas, limits that we create that let others know what is an acceptable way to treat us and what allows us to feel, safe, heard, seen and cared for.

Boundaries are challenging because we will have learnt our boundaries in childhood, so they start with how healthy our parents were with their self care, and awareness. If you have grown up in a house where voices were raised and it was ok for people to be angry then you may find that you accept too much with regards to others’ and their behaviour. If you witnessed codependency a parent focusing and needing to ensure that others’ needs where more important than their own then you will learn to have fewer, if any boundaries.

Boundaries are what allow us to feel safe within each relationship. Take a moment and just reflect;

where do I hold strong boundaries, relationships, parenting, work, with myself?
what are my boundaries?
how do I feel when someone ignores my boundaries?
how do I let others know what my boundaries are? do I let them know?
where do I need to update my boundaries?
how would it feel if my boundaries were stronger?
do you know why you have set the boundaries you have created?

We can create boundaries in all areas of life…

a. Time ~ do you create time for you and what makes you feel good or do you ignore that?

b. People ~do you say NO to doing things for others or are their needs more important than yours?

c. Relationships ~ do you focus on others’ more than you, do you allow yourself to be drained by helping/supporting others?

d. Work ~ are you ok with standing up for yourself and what you need in the workplace?

If you were to update your boundaries, how would you do that? what would you be creating for you?

We don’t always know what our boundaries are until we are made to face them, until we feel them or the lack of them, until we are presented with the feelings of sad, disappointed, resentment, anger, let down or hurt and then it is for us to learn from the feelings, what we need to support us in the future! What it is that would prevent you from letting people treat us in that way again… you do have the choice, by putting boundaries in place.

You decide what is acceptable and what is not in YOUR life?

Create more boundaries for yourself

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Celebrate you & your life!

The journey of life can be so confusing, one minute life is flowing and all is well, we are happy and enjoying the moment, and in a very instant it can all change whether it is a huge trauma, diagnosis, loss, argument, or someone is hurtful, how we feel changes in that instant!

I don’t know about you, but I am not sure I was ever taught how to celebrate life, birthday’s and special occasions, yes, life not really, it was just something you got on with, perhaps even got through! Through my work I have met people who have learnt to survive life, to keep themselves alive, whether through family trauma, abuse, neglect or a life changing mental illness, to sit with, listen to and learn from my clients, is a gift ~ we all have a right, a need to celebrate life, to recognise our journey to be our own cheerleaders…..

If its a mental illness, just getting out of bed can be a massive accomplishment, if you are a workaholic, taking time for you and saying NO to work can be a huge achievement, if procrastination is what you do, actually getting that ‘thing’ done is a big step!

Take a moment and just recognise;

what is something you can celebrate today?
what would you like to celebrate this new month?
what would celebrating you & your journey look like?
how would it feel to stop and appreciate YOU?
if someone where to read your life story to date, what would they say to you to celebrate?

To take time to stop and reflect, to recall the tough times and how you got through them, what you learned from them, is to recognise your life. Life happens and we can just keep going, not ever really recognising the depths of our experiences, the coping mechanisms we have learned to survive, the adaptations we have made to keep on going, the adjustments that have happened that we are or might still be living within.

Stop and notice;

Am I choosing what supports the life I want?
Are the choices I am making allowing me to grow & or celebrate?
Am I stuck within old /adaptive ways that aren’t allowing for me to ‘become?’
What is my next step towards my dream, to celebrate?
What was my last step that took me closer to the real me, dream?

We never know what tomorrow may bring, so to truly celebrate life, recognise today, all that you are, all that you have created, allow yourself a moment or two to really honour, appreciate and celebrate YOU!