I have come to realise and appreciate that our default settings, our foundations for our feelings, beliefs and attitudes are not even ours! You know when you get a new phone and the ring sound, the wallpaper and the set up is the ‘factory settings’ well guess what our factory settings are our parents!
Whilst working with a teenager yesterday he came to recognise that his default background feeling was sad, and that he has known this most of his life, so he will do all the he can to find sad, to feel sad and unconsciously create it. Happy feels both alien and uncomfortable!
I wanted then to explore ‘default’ ~” a preselected option adopted when no alternative is specified by the user.”
We cannot select anther option unless we know that our default is a default, so I want you to take a moment and just reflect;
- What is the most natural feeling for you?
- How do you create this feeling in your life?
- What do you think in this ‘mood’?
- What feelings would you like to default too?
- What do you do in your life that would create this new feeling?
Our primary caregivers have unknowingly programmed within us our default feelings, unless they did the ‘therapeutic work’ to heal their mental and emotional wounds. We will have unconsciously picked them up and lived their defaults, until we do the excavating, the healing and making different choices, living emotionally consciously!
How can you start doing the ‘healing work?’ ~ maybe it is to stop and reflect;
- where in your life you hold yourself back?
- where you recognise your beliefs work against you?
- which habits, your coping mechanisms, no longer work?
- what stops you from creating the life you want?
- what in your past still haunts you and impacts today?
- where do you feel overwhelmed in your life?
- where do you not take care of you?
- recognise the feelings you avoid by thinking?
- taking time to journal, share, therapy, feel, be, do more of what you love, forgive and allow yourself to create more of what supports you!
To live in this moment, consciously and with awareness, is to be really present and to witness ourself, our behaviour and all we continue to do, whether it serves us or not. To take as much responsibility for our wellbeing as we do the ones we love.
I was always led to believe it was selfish to look after me, however I have come to realise that to not look after me well, means I then cannot look after anyone else well. It is our responsibility to role model, as our default, healthy emotional self care, self respect and through this we create self love!
Allow yourself to witness your default feelings, behaviour, attitudes, then you decide whether these work with you to create the life that feels right for you at this time, if they don’t work on changing them!!
mylifeme1 